Tying with me

What tying is for me

I am mindful that shibari is edgeplay and came from Japan in the form of pornography. I do not want to shy away from this.

Shibari is a ritual that brings us in contact with taboos and transgresses them.

There is also an element of confession in how I tie. I see rope as a space where vulnerability, shame, desire, or intensity can be brought into the open and witnessed without judgement. I am often visually focused and observant, sometimes deliberately detached, because part of my role is to witness what emerges rather than force it.

My responsibility

While shibari is transgressive and carries ineherent risk, your safety and enjoyment is my priority at all times.

My responsibility as the rope top is to:

• Respect and uphold your hard limits at all times

• Tie in a way that prioritises your physical and psychological safety

• Observe your breathing, movement, tone, and physical response throughout the tie

• Adjust or stop when something does not feel right, even if it has not been spoken aloud

• Create an environment where you feel able to communicate honestly without fear of disappointing me

• Maintain technical awareness of risks such as nerve compression, circulation, fatigue, and emotional overwhelm

When you are tied, it matters to me that you are not worrying about whether a boundary will be crossed. You should be able to stay present in the experience rather than monitoring me.

Your responsibility

Before we tie, I need you to be clear about your own risk profile and communicate it honestly.

You should arrive with:

• A clear understanding of your physical and emotional limits

• Defined hard limits that I must never approach or cross

• Awareness of any injuries, vulnerabilities, triggers, or medical considerations

• The ability to communicate changes if something feels different than expected

• Knowledge of signs of nerve damage or circulatory issues that need to be brought to my attention

Hard limits are not negotiable. They exist to protect both of us.

Mutual responsibility

Communication and trust go both ways.

My intention is that:

• You feel safe, respected, and seen

• I feel like at every point, I got clear signs of what was right for you

• We both leave the tie feeling good about what happened

• You would want to tie with me again, and feel comfortable being around me the next day, and vice versa

I do not want either of us to feel pressured to perform, endure something unwanted, or fulfill an imagined expectation.

Intention over expectation

We set intention, not rigid expectations.

Intention gives us direction and tone.

Expectation creates pressure and can disconnect us from what is actually happening.

The tie should evolve naturally. If your feelings shift during the experience, we adapt. Nothing is locked in.

Communication style

Much of communication when tying is non-verbal. I pay attention to breathing, posture, tension, and emotional response.

Because of this, I consider it so helpful for you to:

• Stay aware of yourself

• Speak up if something feels wrong

• Trust your own perception rather than trying to endure silently

If we are labbing or experimenting, I enjoy active dialogue and feedback.

If we are in a scene, we may maintain personas or headspace that suits the moment.

Scene vs lab

Labbing / Practice

• Dialogue is open and encouraged

• We can stop, adjust, or analyse freely

• Comfort and movement matter more than atmosphere

Scene / Play

• We maintain the emotional tone we agreed on

• Communication may become more subtle or embodied

• Presence and immersion take priority

Clothing and presentation

If we are scening and you are comfortable with it, I would like you to consider clothing that allows for movement, exposure, or interaction during play. Examples might include dresses, skirts, or layered garments.

If we are labbing or practicing technical work, practical clothing is more appropriate and aesthetic considerations are secondary.

Semenawa and aibunawa

If you are familiar with these concepts, we can discuss where you feel drawn:

• Semenawa: restriction, endurance, tension, challenge

• Aibunawa: softness, melting, intimacy, emotional release

We can explore how these energies balance within a tie, but the experience will always be shaped by what emerges between us rather than a fixed script.

Final Thought

We begin with intention and curiosity, not obligation. The goal is not to prove anything, but to create an experience that feels honest to both of us.

I trust my intuition and this means that even if we have agreed to tie, I might refuse. This does not necessarily mean that you have done something wrong. If I know that my headspace is not correct, or if I can tell that our intentions for that day are mismatched, I think it's important to take a step back. I also understand totally if you also were to decline tying or ask to stop at any point.